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The quest for self-development and inner growth is a universal issue that appeals to people in different ways. One emerging approach that is receiving more and more attention in this context is the psilocybin retreat. In this fast-paced world, there are individuals like Anna who consciously choose a different path. In her early twenties, Anna took over the management of a shop and began an inspiring journey towards sustainable living. In this conversation, we will look at the world from Anna's perspective, explore the emotional and spiritual aspects of a psilocybin retreat to understand the importance of these experiences for individual wellbeing and personal development.
1. How did you get involved in a psilocybin retreat?
Anna: Well, I've always been very curious about psychedelics, especially from a plant perspective. I have always been fascinated by herbal medicine and herbs. Over time, I came across Christian Rätsch, who worked intensively on psychedelics and learned a lot from Albert Hofmann — the discoverer of LSD. Rätsch himself did extensive research in various cultures and with various substances, and that fascinated me. I had already seen acquaintances consume substances at parties, but that was always too suspicious for me. Just grab something, as long as it pops - it was never really my thing. I always found it much more exciting to explore the natural side. What grows outside and is intended to be processed by our human organism instead of consuming unknown laboratory chemicals. I was never comfortable with that. That's why I had never tried 'hard' drugs. I just needed a secure framework. The real impulse came when said Christian R. died suddenly last year. Actually, I've always wanted to attend one of his talks. But I missed my chance. That prompted me to actively look for opportunities. I was surprised to learn that these retreats are available in German. It called me, sort of.
2. There are so many different retreats, such as LSD or Ayahuasca - Why did you choose a psilocybin retreat?
Anna: Other psychedelics are also really exciting, of course, but I found it interesting what we have on our doorstep here in our latitudes. Something we've completely forgotten. Such mushrooms grow here with us, right in nature, and I've always found that incredibly fascinating. The mushroom, as it grows in its pure form, and how it surprisingly fits our body, which has the “right” receptors for it. I find that crazy. I've met people who have taken ayahuasca before. But from a cultural point of view, I personally find that difficult. You travel halfway around the world, to the locals who grow up with these plants, with the expectation that you can become part of their culture. That just didn't feel right for me. We have it all on our doorstep. So, for these reasons, the path led me to psylocybin—but nothing against ayahuasca, live and let live.
3. What were your expectations and ideas before you took part in the retreat?
anna: Oh wow, I've tried to expect as little as possible, but that's really hard. I mean, it was my first experience, and your head wants to know what's actually happening here. Of course, I've read a lot about what can happen during such ceremonies, what can come up there and so on. But in the end, I was happy to just get involved as best I could. I already had my emotional topics that I brought with me to the retreat, and they were always present during the retreat and my trip. But I never expected it to be the way it was then. It was really hard to put into words.
4. When you tell people that you are taking part in a psilocybin retreat, there are often different reactions. Was there anything in the beginning that prevented you from doing so, or that you had to overcome?
anna: No, but only as long as I haven't told anyone (laughs). Well, I already had a little voice in my head that said, “Are you really doing that?” It might sound a bit cheesy, but I heard that inner call and I knew I wanted to do it. But my little ego and my environment here in the countryside are already unsettling. There was always a little voice that said, “You can't do that. Questions will arise, is this the start, what comes next? Your life is about to go off the rails.” But I think the fear of change was the worst thing for me. I knew something was happening, but there could really be changes. That made me nervous.
5. Has much changed since you did the retreat?
anna: I would say that everything has changed, but somehow nothing. It has a lot to do with the inner attitude that has changed. But the actions that follow are still up to me to decide. It could be that there are changes in relationships or my job or family, but I don't have to leave my partner and I don't have to give up the job and so on. Nothing happened on the trip that I would have said came out of nowhere. I actually knew what was going to happen, I just didn't believe it myself. On this trip, I was no longer able to avoid my feelings. In hindsight, I think the fear of change shouldn't stop you from having that experience.
6. Are there any specific memories or moments from the retreat that were particularly significant?
anna: There are so many of them. It starts even before the retreat, in the preparation phase. I got calls from the organizer from time to time, and it wasn't like you were just throwing yourself in at the deep end and going over there and just doing it. There were weeks of preparation in which I thought about it over and over again. The preliminary psychological consultation alone triggered and worked through so much for me. The retreat itself took place in a beautiful location, in a safe environment, and the people there were so kind and caring. The food was great and the mental health care was really important to me. I was lucky that we were a small group and had virtually one-on-one support. Hanna was there for me a lot and mainly looked after me. On the first evening we were in the sauna together and simply exchanged ideas. She talked about herself and I talked about myself and my thoughts. That was nice and I felt completely safe and kind of understood with her. During the trip, I only spent the first half in the ceremony room on my mattress, and in the second half I really wanted to get out into nature. That was a good thing, because I had all my topics under my belt. The first half of the trip helped me to let go of this baggage and understand that I don't have to work through a list of topics. In the second half, however, I was able to work on all my topics without really realizing it. It was more like a monologue, but it felt good to know someone was there listening. It meant a lot to me.
7. At our retreats, we always have professional companions and medical supporters in the form of guides and doctors on site. What kind of support and guidance did you receive during the retreat and how important was that to your experience?
Anna: Mental support was particularly important to me. But there were also people in the group for whom it was important that someone be medically savvy simply to make sure nothing happened to them physically. Personally, I wasn't afraid of physical aspects. For me, the psychological side was more frightening, and I couldn't have imagined going through the trip alone or with someone who had no idea about it. For example, I had a moment when my own body prevented me from feeling nature. I thought I couldn't feel the sun on my skin, I couldn't feel the wind, and I felt overwhelmed by my body. Panic slowly crept up in me. At that moment, Hanna sat next to me and didn't say anything. She just breathed loudly and calmly, and that helped me so much. I was able to adjust my breathing to hers and calm down again. I couldn't have imagined this situation with someone who doesn't know their way around, who might get nervous himself.
8. How did you experience integrating the psilocybin experience after the retreat? Were you able to integrate your findings into your everyday life?
Anna: It was really difficult for me to integrate the experience, even though we got everything we could to do it well. After the retreat, I took a few days off and spent three more days in Amsterdam, where I just did what I wanted to do. For me, this felt like a useful part of integration, because I just let myself drift. When I returned to my everyday life, I thought that I simply had to make room to revive this ceremony and the feeling and integrate it into my everyday life, a little bit every day. I didn't manage to do that at first, and then the self-criticism began. I thought I wasn't good enough, I couldn't do it, but it was easy to take a few steps back and then I realized how ridiculous it was to get ready for it. Slowly but surely, it's working now! I try to create small spaces for myself and take the time to work through my feelings. Sometimes it doesn't fit, and that's okay. I'm slowly realizing how I'm dealing with my emotions much more consciously and trying to accept negative emotions without falling into old patterns and pushing them away. I'm taking the time and working through the feelings, and that feels so liberating.
9. After your personal psilocybin experience, can you tell whom you would recommend a psilocybin retreat to?
anna: I would recommend it to anyone who is even slightly attracted to it. If you have even a spark of curiosity, you should definitely try it out. Regardless of whether there is already emotional baggage or not.
10. Can you share or recommend anything to people who are thinking about a psilocybin retreat?
anna: Listen to your gut feeling. Seids curious. And when the time is right, put yourself in hands with the experience of making the best of a trip
Anna has touched us with her inspiring experience of her psilocybin retreat and encourages anyone who is curious to explore this path. If you'd like to learn more about psilocybin retreats and their potential, don't hesitate to contact us and get a initial consultation to book. We provide safe and supportive environments for your journey to yourself.